so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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