Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
