I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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