If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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