So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
