I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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