I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
