I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
