ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
