i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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