The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
