I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
