I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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