shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
