just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
