so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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