he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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