My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
