tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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