I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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