Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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