That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
