you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
is wine microwaveable?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
