While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
