I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
