He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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