i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
