look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
