Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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