I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
