I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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