Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
