So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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