My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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