I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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