i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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