How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
