He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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