Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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