Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
