Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Success! We fucked roommates!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I see more hoeing in ur future
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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