Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
