so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
