just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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