can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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