She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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