we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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