i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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