The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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