$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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