Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
