Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
