At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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