im six kinds of drunk right now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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