I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.