Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.