She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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