How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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