I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
