I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
