i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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