and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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