i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
