she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
