I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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