when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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