Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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