You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
