I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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