you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
