ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
