i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
