I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
