so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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