i think i have two assholes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
