i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
