I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boobs speak an international language.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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