I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This baby is an asshole
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
