Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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