Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
