Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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