yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
