so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
