I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
